Wow this first week has been tough and if I’m being quite honest I suspect things will only get more difficult. As the title suggests I’m searching for my methadone. Poker is obviously the heroine that has been pulsing through my veins for far too long and it has become apparent that I need to find some form of replacement less I drive myself insane. I really feel the winds of fate are trying to tempt me back though – I’ve had more staking offers in the last week than I’ve had in the last 2 years and twice I just happened to stumble across some juicy action in the back room of the local boozer. Is it my imagination or does the world want me to fail? Twice I walked away. Kept telling myself that just isn’t me any more but man it hurt me to do it.
As some of you are aware I qualified last month for the Santry Poker cash league that took place on Friday. It was quite fitting that my poker career should end in such a sickening fashion. I got it AI 3 ways with my AA no match for AK and KK. One does have to admit there is a sense of poetic irony in the last hand I ever intend to play in a casino. It was poker’s way of giving me one last fuck before I went on my merry way – you could call it one for the road.
Now that I’m no longer a degenerate (yeah right) Iv tried to ease myself back into the “normy” way of living – one of the benefits of giving up poker is that I have gotten back to a somewhat normal sleeping pattern and I’m far less nocturnal. I’m making daily trips to the gym again for the first time in months and I’m making good inroads into the third series of the wire (no spoilers yo). I’m still thinking in terms of EV which is to be expected I suppose – old habits die hard and all that.
Other good news is that my football is going well and I will be on the DCU Sigerson panel next season. I’m pretty happy with this considering the scope of talent that’s available but I won’t be content to sit on the line. It’s up to me now to work hard during the summer and try to force my way onto the team. Opportunities like this don’t come around very often so I need to give it my all.
That’s pretty much it for this week. I’m all ears if someone has a good replacement for poker??
Tony
Monday, May 17, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
This is the End?
First of all I don’t know why I feel compelled to write this piece. Perhaps it is an attempt to sum up my poker career to date, perhaps it is a warning to other people in a similar situation to myself or perhaps this could finally be my retirement from the game of poker? I have been wrestling with my conscience over the last couple of weeks in relation to poker. I have done extensive research and have a fairly accurate figure of the amount of money that I have invested in poker – both live and online. As it stands since my introduction to poker in September 2005 I have been a losing player to the tune of circa 5.5k. Now this paltry figure might seem like chicken feed to most but as a small time recreational player it still irks me that I have basically handed over a large percentage of my current net worth to fellow degenerate gamblers. I have never been busto – but then again I never understood how anyone could go busto. I always had a philosophy of never playing with money I couldn’t afford to lose.
In a recent conversation a well known IPB’er remarked that just by admitting I was a losing player it put me ahead of the masses who continue to delude themselves into thinking they are making money from the game. This got me thinking – If I wasn’t playing the game to make money then why was I playing? It’s certainly not for entertainment! As far as value for money is concerned I have come to the conclusion that poker is probably the least value where entertainment is concerned. Spending time in front of an LCD screen really isn’t a great way to spend nice summer evenings considering the alternatives that are available. An argument could be made for the live scene but most of the craic live comes from everything that isn’t poker related such as meeting the people we know from IPB and having the craic at the bar.
There is one thing that jumps out at me more than anything else – to be successful at poker you need a very defined set of traits; emotional indifference, analytical skill and general intelligence but to name a few. It strikes me that anyone who possesses these traits is likely to be successful in other business ventures in life outside the world of poker. I’v already proven myself to be a failure at poker does this mean I will fail in business too? I hope not but only time will tell.
So I suppose you could call this my official retirement from poker (for real this time – not like the previous attempts that lasted all of 5 minutes). No doubt Il miss that feeling of excitement of flopping the nuts and having someone empty the clip trying to bluff the pot. Or that feeling of pure desperation as my 14 outer finally gets there on the river for a 400bb pot – it really is “the sweetest desperation in the world”. Il not miss wasting my youth in front of a laptop analysing stats and plugging leaks or having some fitz junkie bink his 1 outer on the river for the price of a small island in Dubai. But most of all Il miss the dream of the big scoop. I think all players dream of someday scooping big – whether it is purely for financial reasons or to prove to themselves that at the end of the day it was all worth it. I’d like to think that the last barrier between me and a complete degenerate is that I know when to throw in the towel and not to chase the elusive big score.
So that’s that! Im sure Il see the majority of you at events around Ireland – I quite enjoy the reporting aspect of the game believe it or not and I have a few business ideas that are directly linked with the world of poker but for now my playing days are over.
Player gone!! Table 1 seat 5
Tony
In a recent conversation a well known IPB’er remarked that just by admitting I was a losing player it put me ahead of the masses who continue to delude themselves into thinking they are making money from the game. This got me thinking – If I wasn’t playing the game to make money then why was I playing? It’s certainly not for entertainment! As far as value for money is concerned I have come to the conclusion that poker is probably the least value where entertainment is concerned. Spending time in front of an LCD screen really isn’t a great way to spend nice summer evenings considering the alternatives that are available. An argument could be made for the live scene but most of the craic live comes from everything that isn’t poker related such as meeting the people we know from IPB and having the craic at the bar.
There is one thing that jumps out at me more than anything else – to be successful at poker you need a very defined set of traits; emotional indifference, analytical skill and general intelligence but to name a few. It strikes me that anyone who possesses these traits is likely to be successful in other business ventures in life outside the world of poker. I’v already proven myself to be a failure at poker does this mean I will fail in business too? I hope not but only time will tell.
So I suppose you could call this my official retirement from poker (for real this time – not like the previous attempts that lasted all of 5 minutes). No doubt Il miss that feeling of excitement of flopping the nuts and having someone empty the clip trying to bluff the pot. Or that feeling of pure desperation as my 14 outer finally gets there on the river for a 400bb pot – it really is “the sweetest desperation in the world”. Il not miss wasting my youth in front of a laptop analysing stats and plugging leaks or having some fitz junkie bink his 1 outer on the river for the price of a small island in Dubai. But most of all Il miss the dream of the big scoop. I think all players dream of someday scooping big – whether it is purely for financial reasons or to prove to themselves that at the end of the day it was all worth it. I’d like to think that the last barrier between me and a complete degenerate is that I know when to throw in the towel and not to chase the elusive big score.
So that’s that! Im sure Il see the majority of you at events around Ireland – I quite enjoy the reporting aspect of the game believe it or not and I have a few business ideas that are directly linked with the world of poker but for now my playing days are over.
Player gone!! Table 1 seat 5
Tony
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